If I were a boy...

Linking with Gay and Erin for If I Were A Boy....this might have been the easiest post for me, ever!
As soon as I read the tweet, I glanced up at these 3 "boys" and opened blog press. Post done 5 minutes later. And yes, Beyonce played on in my head but somehow it turned into C'mon Irene. who does that?!

If I were a Boy...

I'm guilty of it, you are too. Admit it. In busy days, that time of the month, the long day of labor you've thought it and I have too... Oh, if I were a boy!

I'd have that "lean back" pose mastered, no double chin and no -where did that come from, roll?!
I'd even look good makeup free, covered in a layer of tractor exhaust and dirt.
I'd shamelessly wear that shirt again, and again, knowing it hadn't been washed.
I'd probably even pick my nose at the red light, screw on-lookers.

If I were a boy, my furniture would all be thrift, the more worn and smelly the better.
My throws would represent my teams of every sport.
My dishes would be fine plastic, the 'I recycle' kind and my fridge fully stocked with beer.

Being a boy would make it easy to release. A shake, would be all that's required.
The world my bathroom, if you will.
Chipping polishes and smudged mascara would be no problem.
Static in my hair and #ootd's would never cross my mind.

Oh, if I were a boy, I'd never worry with makeup or dryers and straighteners.
I wouldn't worry with spritzing perfume or blotting oily spots.
I'd never, ever lower the toilet seat. Or wipe it clean.
My sink would dull from dots of shaving cream.

I'd mindlessly drift off to sleep and happily rise, starting the day peacefully ahead of everyone else.
As a boy, I'd be on time to everything never worried by what outfit to wear, if my belt matched my shoes or if my accessories complemented the outfit.

But, if I were a boy, I'd always keep my shoulders square, live out chivalry, and move with confidence.
I'd tip generously and never let a woman pay, open doors, or carry all the groceries.
I'd know of the corner flower shop and the best bakery in town.
I'd have restaurants on speed dial for last minute reservations and I'd love the life out of Mrs. Right!
For these, last mentioned, are just a few things my boy does for me.....